FRANK VS THE TOILET
You'd think going to the loo would be something even Frank Spencer could manage without destroying the entire bathroom. But you'd be wrong. Oh so very, very wrong. In Frank's defence, the toilet in question is a new-fangled contraption created by Betty's inventor brother, and it does appear to genuinely malfunction when he tries to flush it. Any normal person would probably just leave and ask for help. But Frank isn't a normal person. Frank is Frank. And that means he somehow ends up WEDGED INSIDE THE TOILET, frantically trying to use a toilet brush to free himself from the terrifying abyss of the U-bend. Choice quote: "Oh my god, it's the ball cock!"
THE DREADFUL DRIVING LESSON
It can be scary enough merely being in the same room as Frank, what with the threat of near-fatal slapstick occurring at any given moment. But imagine being trapped in a car with him. Pity Frank's poor driving instructor then, who is reduced to a barking, growling, paranoid wreck of a man before the lesson is over. "Mirror, signal, manoeuvre" becomes less a driving mantra and more of a desperate prayer, as Frank comes close to colliding with random cars and mowing down hapless cyclists. And, just when we think they'll get through it without being maimed for life, Frank somehow manages to take a wrong turn onto an airport runway. These days, that would be enough to get him hauled up on terrorism charges.
A REAL CLIFFHANGER
There are certain things that just don't mix. Chief among them: Frank Spencer and cliffs. So he and Betty are simply asking for trouble when they decide to go for a nice relaxing picnic... on a cliff. Thanks to the usual succession of staggering mishaps, the couple soon end up hanging off the edge of the cliff in their car. Think the Italian Job, only with mounting hysteria and even worse decision-making, as Frank decides to clamber to the rear of the car - the part that's hanging in mid-air - to retrieve some fertilizer from the boot. "Frank! I love you!" shrieks terrified Betty. "Yes I know!" he yells back. "We'll talk about it later!"
THE (LACK OF) INTELLIGENCE TEST
Then there's the time Frank Spencer tries to join the RAF. Yes, you read that right. Naturally, the various officials are aghast at the prospect - especially the military man who gives Frank an intelligence test. "What word can precede the words leg, head and bird?" he asks. Frank's answer: "Hairy". As in, hairy leg, hairy head and hairy bird, of course. After a futile debate about whether or not ostriches are "hairy", Frank is then given a maths question involving a family tree. "What does Sandra have two of that Albert's only got one of?" the instructor asks, utterly horrifying Frank, who gets completely the wrong end of the stick. The poor, innocent, idiotic lamb.
FRANK THE VENTRILOQUIST
When Frank decides to audition to become an entertainer at a holiday camp, he decides to unleash his ventriloquist talents on an unsuspecting world. His "dummy" is called Marvin, and is a gorilla with a human doll's head. The original head was lost, you see, and "It was either this one or Donald Duck, and Donald Duck would look silly." As opposed to utterly terrifying, which is what Marvin is, especially when he turns out to be as violent as Emu. Still, that's not the most disastrous moment of the audition. No. The most disastrous moment of the audition is when Frank showcases the "Human Vesuvius" - ie, fireworks attached to his own body. It's like the beginning of an episode of Casualty.
THE GREAT ROLLER SKATER
We can't not mention what is arguably Frank Spencer's most moronic moment of all, when he takes mere, everyday moronism to the level of art. When he becomes a veritable Michelangelo of the moronic. We're speaking of the time he goes rollerskating at a rink, and builds up so much speed that he smashes right out through the fire exit, shoots out onto the road, and whooshes through traffic while waggling and bellowing like a human-shaped comet of calamity. But it's OK, he comes to a gentle stop - after crashing right into a shop.