New Tricks Quotes

New Tricks wouldn't be the same without a few laughs - we present the best exchanges.

Halford and Lane

Lane: What's going on? Why are we here? What's the big mystery?
Standing: Who cares? There's a tab; someone else is paying.

Pullman: Clark, do the honours, while Stan, Ollie and Rainman gather round and try and remember what it was like to be in the police.

Standing: Have you any idea what that's doing to your arteries?
Dave Milner: I'm more worried about losing one of my balls. How often do you check yours for lumps?
Standing: 'Scuse me! I didn't buy you breakfast so we could discuss how often you fondle the crown jewels.

Standing: When I was a kid this whole place was a toilet. Literally. Few yards down the road, the biggest sewage plant in Bermondsey.
Pullman: Thanks for that precise mental image, Gerry.

Pullman: She's not my girlfriend, she's my shrink!
Standing: A shrink!
Lane: Why does she need to see a shrink?
Halford: You're the expert, you tell us!

Lane: There's a middle-aged bloke in Taunton who was regressed back to his childhood. Years later, he can't step outside his own front door without adult supervision. He still acts and thinks like he's eight years old.
Pullman: Him and half the male population.

Standing: So, Ricky Hanson - mate of yours?
Halford: Biggest murdering, thieving, lying, piece of morally bankrupt s___ I've ever laid eyes on.
Lane: Well, nothing personal then.

Standing [on an old bus]: God, it takes you back, doesn't it? You know it was on the top deck of one of these in 1961 I had my first adult experience.
Pullman: I don't think I want to know about that.
Standing: I smoked a Woodbine!