Nora Batty: "I wonder sometimes if you would ever miss me if I left."
Wally Batty: "We could give it a try."
Clegg: "We were married all them years and never had children. Do you think flannelette causes impotence?"
The trio are out walking looking for wild flowers.
Compo: "Are you going to give me a hand?"
Foggy: "What, picking flowers? That's no job for a trained killer."
Compo: "Alright, pick stinging nettles instead."
Clegg: "The female form was always a mystery to me. Anything else you acquire with moving parts, you get an owner's manual."
Marina: "Howard! What are you doing among that woman?"
Clegg: [dials 999] "Oh, ah, yeah, uh, um, fire brigade, please."
Compo: "Hey, Foggy! Your luck's in; there's some fellow wants rescuing off the roof."
Clegg: "Don't stare; it's rude."
Billy: "Exactly. Anybody would think we'd never seen a bloke in a dressing gown up to his waist in water strangling a swan before."
Clegg: "It's the only thing that worries me about going to Heaven. Would I ever get used to the height?"
Ivy: [yelling] "When are y' going to look at me sink?"
Sid: "Any time you can arrange to sink, love, I'd gladly come and have a look."
Foggy: "Half the joy of a gift is in the unwrapping.
Compo: That's what I keep telling Nora Batty, but she won't unwrap nowt."
Clegg: "The young are a great comfort as you grow older. Makes you realise that at least you're going in the right direction."
Blamire: "If you've nothing more constructive to offer, kindly go outside and read the tailboard of some reversing lorry."
Compo: "Give us a fag and I'll pose for thee in me wellies and garters."
Compo: "Give us a fag and I'll let you waggle me loose tooth."
Compo: "Hey, Cyril! Give us a fag, I'll give you a sniff of me socks."
Compo: "Oh, I miss a woman's touch, eh."
Nora Batty: "You'll not miss it in a minute. Give you a swipe left earhole if you come any closer."