Birds of Feather Quotes

Classic one-liners and bitchy put-downs, Sharon, Tracey and Dorien gave it their all. Here's our pick of the best.

Sharon, Tracey and Dorien

Dorien: Good afternoon, neighbours.
Sharon: It was, up until now.
Dorien: Now, now, Sharon. Fat people are supposed to be jolly; it's a tradition.

Dorien: [in a greasy spoon] Does it have a ladies' room or do I look for a bucket marked 'hers'?

Dorien: Look, I know I've got a mouth on me.
Tracey: Like a whale.
Sharon: Sperm whale.

Dorien: Now, think of me as a cross between Claire Rayner and Dyno-Rod.
Tracey: [to Dorien] OH SHUT UP! Everyone round here knows you're the most popular ride outside Alton Towers!

Sharon: Have a cake, Dor.
Dorien: Oh! Are these from your baker's?
Sharon: Certainly not! I wouldn't eat anything that pervert made - I know what he uses to poke the holes in the doughnuts!

Dorien: Do you know, when I was at college, most of my friends were either dropping out or sitting in.
Garth: What were you doing - lying down?

Sharon: Her swimming costume cost more than my entire wardrobe.
Chris: Your swimming costume is bigger than her entire wardrobe.

Sharon: [after reading Dorien's diary] Ere Dor - I love that story about you waking up after that wild and passionate night to find the bloke and written two out of ten on your bum!